


My favourite mistake

by Awkwardsilencespeaking



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-17 10:13:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5865364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awkwardsilencespeaking/pseuds/Awkwardsilencespeaking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec's messed up feelings for Jace are slowly turning him crazy. Jace on the other hand seems normal as always. Jealousy is the only thing Alec recently feels. Especially towards Clary. He doesn't trust her but Jace does. He seems to cherish her. She seems to be heads over heels with him and Alec seems left out. He knows he loves Jace and he knows what would happen if he did too.<br/>Is he brave enough to tell him? And how does Jace feel about it?<br/>What's stronger ? Love vs. Brotherhood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loving can hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Heya : D thanks for trying my fic out. I'm not too happy with the first chapter but I promise the following will be loads better !!
> 
> \\(0.0)/ 
> 
> I wanna leave song recommendations as well to let you see what I was listening to while writing :) 
> 
> Im sorry for any misspellings or grammar mistakes but I'm not a native speaker.
> 
> Feel free to do whatever you want with this fic as I do not own the characters.
> 
> Also I'd be happy about any kind of feedback :) love ya <3  
> *also I promise the notes for the next chapters won't be that long*

Alec's POV:

"You're staring." Jace glanced over and muttered under his breath. "Sorry." I said, still staring at him. I noticed and got up to not get him any more suspicious.  
I went outside to get fresh air and think. Think about us. We're brothers. Well, kinda. But still. This cannot be happening. I am not falling in love with my brother. God if he knew. He'd probably never talk to me again. I'm disgusting. "What's wrong?", he stepped outside and looked down on me. I felt his body warmth behind me. Adding up to that I could really smell him. That leather jacket of him hasn't seen the washing machine in quite some weeks. "Huh?" I turned around and stared up at him. "You've been off lately and I'm getting worried. You're my brother Alec and I watch over you of course. I can tell something is wrong." "No, not at all." First lie. "I just worry about that ginger girl." Second lie. "She'll be fine, I'm taking good care of her, you know that." He said as he sat down next to me. "Yea, I know that.." I mumbled,barely to be heard but I knew he had heard it. "Alec don't be jealous you don't have a girl to look after. Your princess is on her way." "I'm not jealous." Truth. Well. Kinda. "I just think you deserve better." "Like what?" He was now staring directly into my eyes and I could feel his breath on my face. 'Like me' I thought but didn't dare to speak. "Like... I don't know someone who actually knows how to be a shadow hunter." "Whoa, Alec shady, shady thing you are. Well she's learning, give her time, it's in her blood. But actually I'm looking out for someone other at the moment anyway." He said quite flustered. "And who is that someone?" I asked part annoyed part excited. "Oh.. " his pupils were twice as big as before now. He was getting closer? What was he doing? Right before I totally lost it he went on. "Well you'll see at my marriage!" He stood up smirked at me and went in again.  
Jesus.  
Marriage?  
Did he really have someone and didn't tell me? Like..I've heard from all his exes so what was different now ??

***

The next day I skipped breakfast I couldn't look at Jace while still recovering from my morning boner. I had a real realistic dream ok? It was just Jace and me on a mission, sitting in a van, waiting for circle members to leave the building as he leant over and started kissing me. You imagine the rest. There seriously won't go a day where I don't have weird thoughts about... my brother. Sounds way more fucked up when you say it aloud. Believe me, I tried. But either way I cannot change my feelings. Like we're not blood-related. Which doesn't make it ok. But it would make it legal though. If he wouldn't be the straightest guy ever, and I wouldn't be the biggest loser, maybe in another universe 'we' could've been a thing. Although he is the one who was adopted I've always been in his shadow. Not in a bad way. No, I've always admired him. Look where that went.  
I think the first time I noticed my feelings for him weren't platonic or brotherly anymore was when he saved me from my suicide attempt. I had slit my wrists in my bathroom when he was on a mission with Isabelle. I couldn't handle everything anymore. I was tired of being the dumb and weak one. I was tired of being me. After years of depression and self hate I decided that was the day. Right after the numbness kicked in I saw a blurry vision appear in front of me trying to save me. Later I found out it was Jace. He came back nevause he had a bad feeling. He was shocked to see how bad it really was. He didn't understand why I tried. He still doesn't. But he was there for me. He sat at my bed every night for months, watching me. Since then we've been spending more time together, mainly because he's still worried I'd do it again. I won't. I don't wanna fill his eyes with pain like that ever again. Since I saw him being that broken over me. I realised why I hated to see him hurt like that. Not because he was my brother. But because he was the one who opened my heart. The only one who ever cared. The only one I could ever trust. Yet I let him down. I don't want to, again.He'd be disappointed, disgusted even. He would hate me. I simply can't let that happen.  
I simply can't let that happen. Ever.  
So I go on hurting every day for the rest of life to paint a smile on his face.  
I'm even getting melodramatic now. Wow. What is love?

 

^^^


	2. Getting into heaven on my way to hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day. Another mission. Jace and Alec get some brother time alone and it's time for confessions ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just couldn't wait to let SOMETHING happen so .. 2 updates in 1 day.  
> I hope ya'll like this one better :)

Jace POV:

I didn't see Alec at breakfast today. I really wonder what's wrong with him. I'm worried he's going back to the place I've pulled hi, out from. He's so...fragile. He clearly doesn't look like it but I'm scared he'll break again. And even more scared I'll break him...again. I know the first time was my fault. I didn't show him the affection he needed. Simply because I was scared. Scared is all I've even been since that one nigh with Simon. It was a week after he 'joined' us and we were drunk from a party. We crashed in my bed and first just talked. Until I started kissing him. I don't know how that happened. I was just really pissed and he looked really attractive in that moonlight. Next morning he didn't remember anything and I didn't want to remember him. I got away with that. But I cannot get away from the thoughts that night has left me. It is not him that drives me crazy. It's the fact I'm gay. And the fact I made a huge mistake that could've gone really wrong. I don't want anyone to know. It'll change everything. Not that people in the shadow world aren't accepting. No, we're a queer folk. But I would let Alec down. He looks up to me and I don't wanna change that. He'd hate me. Mainly because he'd think all the nights we'd spend together weren't out of brotherlove. I guess in a way they weren't. He makes me feel less fucked up. He's the only one who knows I'm not that badass. Everyone breaks. But I won't let my feelings break him. Break us.

***

Alec's POV: 

"Is it true he doesn't have a navel?" Simon asked as we were driving to watch this place where Magnus has been spotted earlier. "People talk Simon. I haven't seen him naked yet so you'll figure out yourself." I said amused. Sometimes I wonder how they haven't figured out themselves I'm bisexual. Like I'm ironic but all the gay comments? I'm clearly not around detectives. Simon was still laughing after some minutes when Jace seemed to get uncomfortable in the drivers seat. " You okay?" I asked him with a rather shaky voice. "Sure." He replied,eyes bluntly on the road. We arrived and now we were just supposed to watch. I love observing simply because it's just a fun night with no work. But Jace hates it. He just cannot sit still. After half an hour he got out of the car without saying a word so I followed him.  
"What are you doing?" I shouted after him as he started running. "None of your business 'Lec, piss off!" Of course I didn't. After a while of nonsense running he stopped at a big tree and dropped to the ground. I sat down next to him and hugged him tightly as soon as I noticed he was crying. I didn't know why so I just calmly whispered in his ear. "It's going to be okay, alright? I'm here! We can do this!" "You don't even know what's up" he sobbed into my shoulder. "Then tell me." I said as I released him from my arms and looked deeply into his eyes that were reflecting the moon. He looked back at me and for a little while it was silent before he whispered, " I can't. You'd hate me." I didn't say anything for a while, I couldn't. His words playing over and over in my head. How does he think I'd hate him? "I could never hate you." I finally said. He seemed relived but I don't think he fully believed me. He got a picture of a girl out of his jacket and held it in my face. I didn't dare to ask. "I'm gonna marry her." He said as he began to cry again. Jealousy kicked in but this moment wasn't about me. "But..what's bad with that? She's beautiful!" She really was. He looked up at me, put the picture back into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and looked back down again. "It's just..." I could hear his breathing getting heavier. "She's not the one I love. It's been hard to accept it but I've fallen in love with someone else." He said looking right back at me with.. hope?   
I only could think back to Clary sitting in the van being totally amazed by the news. Her prince loved her back! My stomach began to fill with disgust. "Oh..." I said bewildered. His smile dropped and he didn't look up again? What have I done wrong now? "You should tell her then. Ginger will be happy. Stop playing with that poor other girl." I said while leaving. "No, you don't understand!" He shouted after me. "Oh, I don't want to." I whispered to myself without turning back at him as I felt tears running down my face.

***  
Jace POV: 

It was a really long way back to the van and I was running as fast as I could to catch 'Lec. I had to make things clear now. No matter what it meant for us. I had to.   
It started raining long before I even left the car so I was now soaking wet and couldn't really see his footsteps anymore. There he is! I thought speeding up a last time. " Hey! 'Lec! Stop! Let me explain!" He actually stopped causing me to bump right into him. He chuckled which made me blush slightly but then his face turned all serious so I started talking just to be interrupted by him directly. " See, I'm sorry you don't have to explain yourself it's none of my business who you like.i just thought you'd have a better taste." I couldn't tell if he was sassy or jealous but why would he be like that? Either way I didn't want to waste more time now. "It's not her. God. It's not any girl, OK?" He looked at me in confusion he still didn't get it. "I'm gay! Always have been, always will be and I'm tired of denying it." "Jace I-.." "No, don't speak." I took all my confidence, grabbed his face and started kissing him. It took me a second to realise what I was doing. I was kissing my brother? But hell I was enjoying it. I've kissed loads of girls before and nothing ever felt as good as this. Before I was completely losing my mind I noticed he was kissing back?! Was this really happening? He opened his mouth a bit to let a raspy moan escape. This is what heaven feels like I thought before deepening the kiss.

 

^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song : The (Shipped) Gold Standard by Fall Out Boy  
> I SWEAR th next song won't be a Fall Out Boy one XD <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the kiss all that Jace and Alec wanna do is talk. But going partying after the missions isn't the best option for that. Misunderstandings causing Alec to leave the club and Jace to go after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't upload earlier I was busy celebrating my birthday and going to school :/ also the reason this is only a short chapter   
> Hope you'll enjoy it either way :D

Alec's POV:

What was even happening earlier? I thought as we were back in the van finishing the mission. "Where the hell have you've two been?" Isabelle asks causing us both to blush."If you really wanna know we went for a walk to get away from you for once." Jace smoothly replies making her stay silent. Silent. Hell it was really silent in this damn car. Not awkward silent. At least not between me and Jace. But there was tension going on between Clary and him. He sort of looked at her apologetic when we got back into the car. I don't think she knows what happens. Simon doesn't either. Izzy for sure does like she can see though us. Literally.  
What does that mean for us now? Like was it just a kiss? Or like...  
I hope I can talk to him about it when we get back.

"We should go to a club." The annoying voice behind me blurts out. "I'm in." Simon agrees. Sure he does. He loves her. Everyone does.   
We've been sitting here for six hours and nothing has happened yet. So nothing will. "Yeah, let's go partying, should we 'Lec?" Jace Joins the conversation while placing his hand on my left leg. My face turns full red and I feel a lump form in my throat. First that nickname has been driving me crazy since forever. Secondly. Did I mention his hand on my leg? Yeah, right. After some minutes of mental recovery I reply with a simple nod. "Alright then let's go!!!" Izzy shouts making us all laugh.

***

Jace POV:

Arriving at the club I wish we wouldn't have went. Usually I love getting drunk. Feeling the liquorish poison running down my throat drink after drink, turning me number minute for minute. Forgetting about pain is usually one of my favourite things to do. But now, that 'Lec and I have come that close I can't get it off my mind. I don't want to. I just wanna go home and talk to him about it. Talk to him, look at him, touch him... All night. Woah, slowly there cowboy I think before running into a girl near the bar. "Sorry cutie." She turns at me, giving me a small smile and a wink. "You coming here often?" Is this seriously happening right now? "Nah." I shake my head, hoping for her to leave. Of course she doesn't though. By now her friends and her have formed a circle around me, all talking at the same time. "Your hair is really cool.." "What do these tattoos me-" "Do you own a-" and so on. My head starts aching and I can't follow any of my thoughts anymore so I try to make my way out of the pit. Impossible. Now some of them start grabbing me by my arms and I get uncomfortable. I can't get away from them without hurting them so I try to wait till they let go. Bad idea. Just after I decided I finally had enough one of the girls fell right into my arms and started placing kisses on my neck. Being caught by surprise I stand still in shock before trying to peel her off. As I succeeded I look around just to see Alec standing there watching me. He looked really pissed. We just stared at each other before he stormed out the backdoor. Fuck. I ran after him.

Alec's POV:

He fucking loves it. He fucking loves playing with people. I thought the kiss meant something to him. Apparently not. He looked at me in such surprise as he caught my stares. Does he really think it doesn't affect my feelings? Does he really not care at all?

I kept running towards nowhere, I just didn't wantto turn back. After all this time I've liked him, finally things seemed to work out? Yeah, it was just one kiss but it felt so .. Real. I noticed tears streaming down my face as I heart footsteps creeping up at me. Oh lord please don't- "Alec, I'm sorry." He says, face to my back. Oh, here we fucking go. I wiped away the tears and turned around. "Don't you dare." He tries to come closer but I step back, then I go on. "Don't you dare tell me how bad you have it. Don't you dare tell me your girl problems and your marriage dream. Don't you dare kiss me to just fuck me over right after. Don't tell me you're not playing a game. Don't tell me you don't like that shit. It gets you off, doesn't it? You want my broken heart as a souvenir next time?" I snap at him before he had time to even think of something to say. "Alec.." "Cut it." Alec, look I'm sorry, but it wasn't-" "Cut it, I said! I don't wanna hear it." Silence. He steps closer again but his time I don't step back. I'm not intimidated by him. Im just hurt. Tears escape my eyes again, uncontrollably. He looks at me with sorrow in his eyes and I kind of feel bad. Even now I can't see him hurt. He gets even closer and wraps his arms around my hips. I let him. After a minute I lay my head on his chest and I feel his lips press against my hair.  
"I love you Alec. I did for so long. And I will for so much more. No girl ever will mean that much to me. And those girls inside were harassing me not leaving me alone. I'm sorry."   
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think of anything else but the three words he said. I love you. Suddenly I forget about all the drama and hug him back closer. We stood like this for a while. No words needed.

"I love you too." I wished into the crook of his neck. I feels is face go warmer and a s,Ole starting to build on his face.  
He kisses my forehead and we go back to silent hugging. I never felt that save before. His strong,arms around me, able to protect me from anything. I wish this moment could last forever. And in my mind it felt like it would.

^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song: Wolfman by The Front Bottoms
> 
> * I'll try to update as soon as possible and also trying to improve this shit loads in following chapter so keep up ;)*


	4. Cheeky cheater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Jace and Alec finally getting together. Things take an unexpected (not really tho) route.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. I wish I had an excuse for not updating for so long. But the truth is I'm just fucking lazy.  
> I hope you enjoy it. I still don't know where this is going. I really don't know how this crap got over 500 hits and like 26 kudos? But thanks so much <3 I hope you are all having a good day ;) and find and stalk me under the same url as here on tumblr :) hope you are all having a great weekend

Jace POV:

It's been two weeks.

Two weeks since we're... together? 

I'm not quite sure if we are. I kinda hope we are.   
Alec and me have been spending even more time than usual together and even more ... you know. I didn't think we'd be that happy together. I always figured we had big problems coming. The only thing that has changed is the way Clary looks at me, or more, the lack of looks I get from her. I am not gonna lie I liked her staring at me. I'm just not sure if I only liked the attention or if it really was her...   
But I more than happy to be with Alec.  
I just hope he is too.

***

Simons POV : 

"Look at those lovebird!" I chirped in Clarys direction as we watched Alec and Jace do their training and treating each other with little kisses. I wasn't just happy for them, I was also happy for me. Maybe now I had a chance for her to like me. As if. "Yea, cute." She said before getting up and leaving the room. Jace really messed with her head I guess. I feel so bad yet I'm happy. Before I continue tho think about it I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. An unknown number. I just pick up. "If Clary is that interested in finding her mother she should be able to answer her god damn phone!" a familiar voice blasts through. "Magnus! Great to hear from you. Haven't seen you in a long time mate." "Yeah, Simon see I'm not your mate but could you just pass the phone to Clary or someone who has a clue about, well, just someone who isn't you?" He speaks back. Harsh little Warlock. "Yea, sure.." I reply. "No offence babe but sorry." Is the last thing I hear him say before I hand Alec my phone.

 

^

 

Magnus POV: 

"Alec here." He states. His dark voice goes straight to my heart giving me goosebumps. "Hello babe. It's me, Daddy." Oh cheeky old me. "Magnus this ain't the time for jokes now." "Oh I ain't playing honey I see you feeling very good being openly gay now, huh? But then with your own brother, risky." "Half-brother, but that doesn't mean even- ugh- why are you calling?" He asks annoyed. "Fine fine. It's about Clarys mom. I might be helpful finding out were Valentin has brought her." "Where should we meet you?" He asks, excited? God, I hope so. "Oh, I'll be meeting you. In fact I'm standing in front of your neat place right now, just waiting to be let in." "Why didn't you say that before?!" He shouts pissed off before hanging up, just to open the door for me seconds after. "Hello." I simply say giving him a smirk and he can't help but to flush a smile. As we step in Jace and Isabelle run past us then stop and turn back at us. "What's he doing in here?" Jace asks giving cutie a confused look. "He's here to help, don't worry." Alec responds. I like that tone a lot. "You'll be fine alone 'Lec?" He asks again. "Yes!" 'Lec replies before Jace goes up to him and place a kiss on his forehead. Then he and Isabelle leave. "He's the protective type." I say looking up and down at Alec before I go on "He should be." I get an eyeroll as an answer before we step into a huge room. Not too classy but definitely modern. Simon and Clary come straight up to us and we all go upstairs so I can share my plan.

**

 

"You need her blood for that?" Mr Glasses spits into my face. "Yes I do. That's how fucked up magic works. Not much tho. She'll live, calm down. It's just because her and her mothers blood are connected, obviously. So parts of her blood are gonna be in Joycelyns blood too. So I should be able to find her." I say. Why am I even doing that's? These people are so hard to be around. "Okay I'll do it, Simon you come help me get , we'll get some blood out of me?" "Um, sure." "Good girl." I say and they leave. I look over at beauty and watch him. Finally alone. I go up at him. See him shiver and hear his heart beat faster. I knew he wanted me too. He looks me in the eyes, turns his head down and licks his lips. Jackpot. "So this is your room?" I start. "Always has been?" He nods. 

I place my hand on his shoulder and he shrieks. Oh, a virgin. I can't help but chuckle. "What's so funny?" He utters, trying to sound not as imitated now. "Nothing, you're just so.. So pure." I decline and his face goes full on red. I bring my lips up to his neck and place three kisses before reaching his ear. "I could change that you know." He gulps and then goes on "But Jace.." "Well are you two really together, as ... brothers. Everyone knows it's wrong." I interrupt. He slowly nods. 

 

Alec's POV: 

 

I don't know how I ended on top of Magnus banging and kissing him but it felt so good. Yet so wrong. Just after he moans my name making me shiver I hear the door open. Fuck! Clary and Simin stand in the door handle watching us with opens mouths. "Someone's in trouble." Magnus says and then laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that was pretty short :/  
> Songs of this chapter is ' Funny you should ask ' and ' Wolfman ' both by 'The Front Bottoms ' as I saw them live yesterday \\(^.^)/

**Author's Note:**

> Song of this chapter was : Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year by Fall Out Boy :)


End file.
